He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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