You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
