Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
