the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
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Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
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JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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