everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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