I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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