New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
