You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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