I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
