oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
We named our party play list daddy issues
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
