this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
We don't watch enough power rangers
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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