forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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