Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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