I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
