i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
