Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
