He told me they were just razor bumps!
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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