he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
