thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
