is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
