so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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