hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
