So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
