I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
