We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
