i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
