Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
