worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
