At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
