I'll bet she douches with gravy.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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