So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
