U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
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He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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