remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
