I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
this is an emotional support booty call
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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