he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
