new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
