I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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