You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
