Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
