sorry about calling you the devil all night.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
COCAINE IS GR8
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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