Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
