i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize