Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
