wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
