what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
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I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
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Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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