A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
