ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
