and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
