No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Randomize
