is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
