Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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