I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
We had sex on a dog bed..
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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