Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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