dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
