look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
