She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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