her vagine was all disorganized.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
porn star boner night. come get it.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
