Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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