hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
