Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
