smell my finger.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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