you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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