So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
