Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
