i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
